update-modules is a script from $FILESDIR of sys-apps/module-init-tools and it should
be a no-op thesedays.

# cd /usr/portage/sys-apps/module-init-tools/files
# ./update-modules-3.5 --verbose

* We have just /etc/modprobe.d; Nothing to do! 

however even with this patch, kmod won't work because it doesn't generate the
required modules.pcimap (and propably modules.usbmap) files in /lib/modules
anymore, therefore it's disabled in gentoo since 1.0.27.1

editing the dummy /etc/modprobe.d/alsa.conf directly is preferred, forget this
ever existed (was useful helper for ancient PCMCIA and ISA hardware)

--- alsaconf/alsaconf.in
+++ alsaconf/alsaconf.in
@@ -924,7 +924,7 @@
     farewell
     clear
     case "$distribution" in
-    gentoo | debian)
+    debian)
 	xecho "Running update-modules..."
 	update-modules
 	;;